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Monday, March 27, 2017

As if Tomorrow Isn't a Thing

The thing that is frustrating about Ehlers Danlos Syndrome, for me, is the constant illness and injury.  It's dumb shit that becomes big shit and it's constant.

Last year was a catastrophe of illness, chronic pain an injury.  It resulted in a diagnosis of EDS in August.  Then the cold weather happened and I still needed to get back to active so I built myself a mini-gym indoors.  I was motivated.  I did things here and there, feeling good that slow and steady I'd be fine. Getting active is complicated because there are so many parts of my body that are out of whack that the wrong exercise can injure me easily and set me way back.  So it's like working a rubics cube with kid gloves.   So often, Id' take it easy, comfortable that I'm headed in the right direction.

But then, I got the flu at the beginning February and coughed until I got a sinus infection in early March and now, end of March, I still have a persistent hacking cough caused by bronchial spasms and asthma and still cannot really exercise a whole lot.  But I have to. I need to.  I yearn to thrive again.  And two months later, I've lost any progress I made over the previous 2 months.  

Those days when I was busy being complacent, those are days that I have opted out of exercise because I had the donwannas - and I'll just do it tomorrow.  But if tomorrow, I'm ill or injured, that can't happen.  So I wind up in a very prolonged era of lack of activity or exercise, and I hate myself for it and hate my body condition.  I don't use the term hate lightly.  In fact, I might even go so far as to say loathe.  And maybe that's a different discussion but I do feel a heavy sense of self responsibility for every day I decided I donwanna, when really, I yearn for health again and I really could have taken a step in that direction. 

Lesson learned from this super dumb chronic illness : Tomorrow isn't promised.  I don't know what I'll have tomorrow.  Betting that I'll have what I need to do a thing tomorrow is foolish.  I only know what I have right now.  If I can do, I should.

Photo : Tomorrow is too late, Start Now / Next TwentyEight / CC 2.0

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